-And welcome to ANN-WILLIAM FICTION WRITERS!
My name is Krissy! I’m so happy to see you! Not to mention how excited I am to- No, I mean, uh… how very excited we are to- No, wait… Oh, jäklar! To Hell with this… Joe! Leigh!
(What is it this time, Krissy?)
I’m not doing this.
Why not?! Because this is bullsh*t! That’s why not!
You wrote me as this smart, young, sexy psychopath who supposedly did all these horrible things- none of which anyone can prove, by the way, and now you want me to help you sell books? I mean, the one you guys wrote about me is a good one: attractive on the outside (like me), dark on the inside (also like me) and oh so hard to put down (yup- like me). Not to mention a little twisted- (yeah…). But now you have me playing tour guide for your stupid little website.
(Yeah, but that’s not all you’re-)
Yes it is! YES… it is… DON’T lie to me- you know I hate it when people lie…
(We’re not lying, we promise, we’re just-)
Ooh, buy our books, we’re unique, we write stories about flawed characters trying to save otherwise doomed relationships. Even when those characters know, deep in their hearts, that the world might perhaps be better off without them… Blah, blah.
Like anyone’s gonna trust me anyway. After what I’ve done… (supposedly).
(Look, if you’d just please-)
No, YOU two look… All they have to do is use the menu up top. They can find all your dark little stories, find your blog… all that. They can find all they want: about KRISSY’S NOTEBOOK, and about that other serial thriller you guys are trying to sell- with the guy who’s running for his life with his kids in the Chevelle, and his wife who’s gone insane because now she’s living all alone in a dead world and thinks her family’s dead too-
(You mean, THE LAST ITALIAN TUNE-UP.)
Yeah, whatever. It’s not brain surgery- although if you two keep this up I’m gonna try a little brain surgery on you- allegedly…
(Hey, come on… there’s no need for threats.)
There’s always a need for threats, guys. I mean, just ask Curt. He’ll tell you all you want to know… Or-
HEY, YOU PEOPLE… Go buy their book, the one about me, and find out for yourselves.
There, happy now?